Letters I Can No Longer Send To You - Part 2

Sometimes I wish that I'd read Caitlin Moran's letter to her daughter long before I had met you. She tells her daughter to never love somebody that has to be mended. Sometimes I wish I'd known and I'd listened. But you know precisely how foolish I can be when I want, and it would have done me little good. Because if love is a four letter word, then so is fool. And if I had only understood this sooner rather than later, I would have known that trying to mend you in the hopes that my love would be enough, was just setting myself up to be fool.

Sometimes I wish I'd met you at a better time. Perhaps a few months later? Maybe we'd have grown up a little more. Maybe you'd have been a little less angry, and me a little less childish. Maybe we'd have made a better start and smoother spin around the track. Maybe you wouldn't burn up with jealousy at every little thing, and I wouldn't be so passive aggressive about it all.

Sometimes I wish I'd stayed. That I'd fought the feeling of wanting so much more instead of slowly giving into the fatigue of holding up two hearts and collapsing. That I'd not thought long and hard about the future we would end up having. That I'd tried to stop fighting all the time. But these are all regrets that I wish I'd dealt with already, instead of letting them live in my head around the clock.

Sometimes I wish a lot of things. But when have wishes ever come true. 

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